There is one thing in my mind separates an artist and someone with artistic abilities. That one thing is the capability of admitting something is not turning out the way you wanted it to, and instead of trying to fix it for ages, you can wipe the slate clean and start anew. This characteristic shows not only courage and integrity, but it shows something genuine about yourself and your work. I feel as though I need to do this with my blog. So many of my posts have been done in mere minutes, leaving out all emotion, and at times notable events throughout the day. So, here comes my post to return to glory.
My weekend was not what I had expected it to be. I thought I knew what I was doing, and that I had a grip on the things closest to me. Instead, I'm quite sure I just mucked things up (no, I'm not trying to censor myself by saying 'muck' instead of 'fuck'). It all started when I was on the bus heading home. I knew Maddie was coming home this weekend, and that gave me more than enough to be excited about. However, Eau Claire is a good four hours away, so I figured she wouldn't be pulling in at around 3:30 when I got home. So I called up Holly (or rather I texted her, but I hate texting and would rather not think about it... which thus makes my statement useless because I mentioned texting in this statement which makes me think about it anyways... I'm almost tempted to say that this is a fail of epic proportions, but then I'd be dragging this thing on even longer...sorry). So I got home, ate, walked to the library, walked to the new Walgreens, walked to Factory Card Outlet, then went to work to make sure someone could cover my shift on Sun. Becca was there and she said she could (sweet, Becca, you rock). Then I went home... I made good time for a walk like that, but it was getting pretty late. Jake showed up at my house, we all had some mac n' cheese. Then Holly showed up at the door. Jake hid in my kitchen because he didn't want to see Holly (umm... grow up...plz?). So, eventually we all left in search of Steve. Long story short, he wasn't home so we went to the new Walgreens (Yes, this was my second time here today). I think Holly picked up some candy, then we left. We headed over to Toys R Us and putzed around in there (I don't care how old I get... toys ownzr). We knew Steve had gotten home, so we went back to his house. We all chilled outside talking for awhile, then Steve's mom came home and said that they should come inside, which was fine because Holly had to go pick John (Pat) up from work, which meant she was ditching all of us for her boo... She dropped me off at home so I could hopefully catch Maddie tonight. Also, I knew Steve wouldn't be around, so I didn't want to get caught up anywhere late with no way but walking home... I started watching Shaun of the Dead (Great movie, I recommend it to anyone). I didn't get too far before Ding Dong! The door bell rang. Could it be Maddie showing up at my door to surprise me? Nope. It was Smerz. I explained to him that Jake and Andrew were out and about and were going to meet up with Kiwi later. He and I ended up on my front porch talking about movies, music, and video games for a good hour and a half (yes, I did write this in my blog Smerz). It was about 10:30, so he departed to go to Kiwi's. I went upstairs and continued watching Shaun of the Dead. I got a text from Holly saying that Maddie was in town, and had been for some time now, she had gone to the BD volleyball game. What?!?!? This was news to me... So I texted Maddie (did I mention how much I hate texting? The things I won't do for friends...). Then Holly and I got into somewhat of an argument. It was hard to tell what it was because texting is the most impersonal way of communicating... But Maddie replied to me saying that she was in town, and that she thought that we were getting together on Sun. because she knew I had taken off work. I thought that was a piss poor, assumption, but whatever. I told her the few hours I had to work over the weekend, and shortly after I fell asleep.
That... was just Fri. night guys, stick with me. So Sat. rolls around and I finish Shaun of the Dead. I talked with Maddie early in the morning and made sure we had some sort of plans for the day. She'd be busy with taking her car in for some sort of maintenance, getting a flu shot, and blood drawn (sad face), and I would go to work. Work was boring as usual... Even more so because of how bad I wanted to leave. 5 on the dot, I left work, and headed home. I quick ate and got ready. Maddie picked me up around 6:20 (btw, I did give her a mucho big hug when I stepped outside, and we left. In the car with us were Maddie's mom and little brother, both of which I haven't seen for about as long as I haven't seen Maddie. Evan of course was all over me. Ever since Maddie and I started dating, he's been all over me. I'm pretty sure I'm one of his best friends (kids love me... I don't know, they just do... Don't you dare even try making that into some sort of pedophile joke... you're sick). So we dropped Maddie's mom and brother off at Maddie's Aunt and Uncles house, because Maddie's mom was to be babysitting. So, after that Maddie and I drove to Grafton High school to watch the BD volleyball team (We weren't even playing Grafton... it made no sense). However, while we were driving, Maddie asked me,"Are we dating right now?", and I replied "no", because to my knowledge that had been made clear. Was I missing something? Then she replied,"Okay, then I won't kiss you"... this completely took me by surprise... where the Hell did that come from? At this point my mind was sort of just floating there... We got to the High School, and on the way in... we kissed... I kinda figured I'd misjudged this whole situation, maybe we'd made it over the initial hump of adjusting to college, and that we could in a way be ready to date again. I wasn't really sure at this point, and the way I express myself takes complete seclusion, and a lot of time, so I knew we weren't going to talk about it now. We watched the game, which Karleisa and her sister Kaitlyn also attended. It was nice to see them again, even though I'd just ran into Karleisa not too long ago. So, Brown Deer lost, and we all said our goodbyes. After we left, Maddie and I went back to the Aunt and Uncle's house. Before we went in, my mind went all topsy turvey again, but lets not get into that. So we spent the next few hours with her relatives... The kids were nuts, and the parents were a bit tipsy, but it was a fun time. We left around 10:30, and went back to Maddie's. I helped her hollow some pumpkins, then she asked if I just wanted to spend the night. I called my house, she passed it by her parents, and I was going to sleep at her house. It wasn't too big a deal, I've done it before, I just sleep on the sofa on the completely opposite side of the house from her... So, we ended up all falling asleep while watching Scooby-Doo and the Lochness Monster (A travesty to two good names...). Maddie's mom woke us all up and we all went to our respective beds, not before Maddie and I had a kiss goodnight.
Now on to Sun. Basically, Sun. morning doesn't matter. I woke up, played a game with Evan, Maddie and her mom left for Church, I played another game with Evan, walked home, ate, took a shower. Then I started working on my architecture project until Maddie called me. She came to pick me up and we went to her uncle's house (different uncle). Maddie, Maddie's mom, dad, brother,uncle, and I were all there. Shortly after arriving, everyone left to take Evan trick or treating... everyone except for Maddie and I. This was perfect, finally we got some alone time to talk. We talked for awhile, my doing most of the talking, she just had responses. And... that's how it ended... Somehow we came to the conclusion that we were 'just friends'... well then what the Hell was this whole weekend about?!?!?!?!?! After we talked, her family members slowly started to stream back in, until they were all there. This was at about 4:15, and I had to work at 4:30... so her uncle took me home, then dropped me off at work. When I stopped by my house to get my stuff, Jake and Kiwi were there. I felt kinda bad that I just blew them off because I was in such a hurry, but I had to get to work. I wasn't too happy to be at work, but at that time, it was better than hanging out with Maddie's family eating Chinese food until she left for Eau Claire. Sitting here typing this, I can't honestly tell you how I feel. It's a mixture of a lot of things, which all don't make much sense. I'm trying not to hang on any of it, and not let it all affect me, but I'm not that kind of person. I've often thought to myself that I am far too emotional to justify my having a penis, but this is ridiculous. However, I'm a firm believer in the concept of 'everything will work out'. I can't say that I am the most religious man, but I can say that I believe everything happens for a reason. This is why I'm just going to keep going. Life is like a giant treadmill, you can adjust yourself and slow down if you are tired, but if you stop, you will let yourself get thrown away and sucked under. There's not much more I can say about that... So, i'm just going to go home, eat something, and partake in one of my favorite most relaxing hobbies: sleeping.
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1 comment:
Holy shit man.... holy shit.
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