Toy Story 3

The movie event to define my life-time [at least, thus far].

I guess if I was able to live in the excitement of Star Wars, that would supersede this... but I missed the original trilogy, and was too young to fully appreciate the return with Episode I. I guess I did catch Episode III at a decent time, but that was just ending something that I ha liked, not ending something that I had grown in time with.

Toy Story however, is my movie (not solely mine, but my generation... if my generation was more dwindled down to just the enthusiasts... generation sounds like too broad a term when considering that most of the people in mine, and surrounding generations are, for lack of a better term, dumb). I was 5 years old when the first Toy Story came out. I never saw it though. I saw the movie when it was released on VHS (and still own my original copy. No anniversary DVD will ever make me finally part with it). I loved it. The animation. The characters. The story. The excitement. The fun. It was spectacular. I couldn't get enough of it. I collected the toys, all of the happy meal prizes, the trading cards, all the good stuff. After it, there was the sudden emergence of more CGI animated movies: A Bugs Life, Antz. Whatever, none were is good as Toy Story (For the record though, I revisited A Bugs Life many years later after becoming a Pixar enthusiast to discover my hidden love for that movie... still like Toy Story more though). So when Toy Story 2 was announced. I was ecstatic.

This movie, my brother and I were actually treated to go see in theaters. I remember it even more because it was the very first movie my mom ever dropped us off to see together, and picked us up afterwards (okay, don't lie, as lame as it sounds now, your first bits of privilege in dependence as a child were awesome...). Wow. They struck gold... again. Everything I adored in the first film were back in a much bigger way. A larger plot filled with even deeper perils, improved graphics, deeper back stories and trials, and even more toys to love! It added so much more depth to the lives and adventures of toys.

And for years, these two Toy Story's filled my need of living toy adventures swimmingly. As I became more intelligent and cultured (lets face it... look back when you were a kid, and your first thought will be: 'wow, was I stupid or what?') I started paying closer attention to Pixar. There was a long drought where I didn't see any Pixar films in theaters. Monsters Inc came and went, Finding Nemo swam into the nations heart, The Incredibles showed us their their super human side, Cars took us on a face paced adventure, but I never went to go see any of them... Don't ask why, I was just dumb... I'd catch them on DVD or saw things like, "oh man, I really want to see that", but never do. It wasn't until Ratatouille that I finally got back into a theater seat to experience a Pixar masterpiece at work. And again, as I grew up, and my taste increased, I started to gain an immense respect for the company and its beautiful products. After that, I didn't miss a single movie. Wall-E. Up. Each movie topping the next (which, is like someone improving their grade starting at an A+ and moving up... The smartypants you almost hate to love).

And so we come to it. Pixar's latest film:

Toy

Story

3

It's an epic idea, in my head. Another Toy Story. It's like being given one more day with the deceased. It's scary, yet hauntingly beautiful.

It was first mentioned waaaaay back in 2004 that Disney (yes just Disney) would be making Toy Story 3 (the famed story of 'if you don't make it, we will'). And as much as I would love to see the worlds favorite toys in action again, I couldn't help picturing a semi-human Mikey Mouse repeatedly punching the child version of me in the fucking face. I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief when it was announced that Pixar and its vets would be taking over the helm of the project. Some, like Andrew, still cried foul saying things like, 'even if it is Pixar, they're still [practically] being forced to make the film'... but I didn't care. It was Pixar. I had learned the error of my ways and saw them as they were, which was a shining light of cinema. They heart, skill and style in every aspect of every film was meticulously processed until a certain level of perfection was reached. These people cared. They cared about film. They cared about integrity. They cared about their craft. These people at Pixar did not take mediocrity as a solution.

So I waited.

It was awhile

But Toy Story 3 has finally been released, and I can say with ever fiber of my being that I am fulfilled. I grew up with Andy and his toys. I am continually amazed with the first two films as they still stun me visually and contextually (yes, I saw the double feature in 3D). So now, we were to go full circle to cap off one of the biggest trilogies in film ever made (Overstatement? I think not).

~I'll try not to, but you know there'll be some spoilers from here~

My excitement for this film was immense, and only grew by the fact that it had a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and my friends and I were finally able to secure a midnight showing Friday morning (thanks Kiwi... never thought I'd actually want to see it at midnight that badly :/ ).

Finally, on to the movie itself:

PREMISE- Having been quite some time since the last Toy Story film, the story must follow accordingly. We are new met with a much older Andy (now 17) ready to depart off to the wide world of college. Having gone through the same jump and NOT given up on my toys (or even thought of it), I did hold a bit of a grudge against the teen pretty boy, but whatever, his mom's a milf. Anyways, he was face with the dilemma of what he should do with his toys before he leaves. His bratty little sister is all set to steal his room once he leaves, so he really does need to clear out, and even though the attic would seem like an obvious choice, it's still hard to accept change and so easily relocate the things you've loved for so long. And through a series of events very reminiscent of the beginnings of TS2, the toys come very close to being thrown away, then finally donated to local day care center. This particular daycare is run by a large pink bear who smells of strawberries. It's a paradise to a toy. They will always be played with and never be forgotten. However, bear is even, the toys are forced to be mauled by the little baby monsters, and that fucking baby doll strikes fear into all who look into its 1.5 eyes. So now the toys must stage a daring prison break to get back home.

ANIMATION- The best I've ever seen (although, let me say before I get too far, there was a trailer for Legends of the Guardians before the movie, and the visuals for that were captivating. Kudos on a non-Pixar animated film that wows me on every level visually). Simply put, animation and CG is one of those things that just sort of evolves. Ever new film, video game, tv show, commercial etc. etc. just get better graphic as time goes on. It's clear to see all around us. It's amazing, yet kinda scary (when are graphics gonna be 'as good as they can get'???). But aside from natural progression of the format, we see a rare treat of a deep knowledge in design. Almost every seen I was captivated by the well thought out placement and color of every light source. Every scene had a very detailed emotion that could be felt with out any dialog at all.

SCRIPT- I never thought the very plot of this movie would soar as high as it did. The opening scene starts you off with almost more adrenaline than you can handle. The internal references made place every fan in its heart, as well as itself in the heart of every fan. The plot itself is very dense and very deep stemming from a very simple idea: what do toys do once their owner has grown up? Sadly, we hear of the hardships suffered by this aging. Yard sales, attic, thrown away. Many good toys have lived their last, and are still missed by the remaining few. It's a complete shock to the system when you first hear that so many toys have been lost to time before the film even starts. The plucks at the chords of your heart start before you even knew it... So the film continues with perfect pacing as problems arise, both internal and external for both human, and plastic characters. And at the end of it all, we see very important messages dealing with love and loss. Our lives are built up of some many things that effect us. These toys that Andy has cherished all his life represent such a big piece of who he is. He will never lose that no matter how old he gets, and no matter how far he travels. But sometimes, we need to give things up. We need to move on. We need to find the strength to part with the material, and realize that despite, we will never lose the spiritual. It's a very powerful theme that elegantly plays out and will have you shedding tears at the meaning and innocence found in your own life. For a brief while you are taken to a place inside of you where nothing can hurt you. It's your own innocence starring you down, and you cry as you know we have all had to part with something. We have all dealt with a loss and that simple gesture of understanding means more than anything you may have ever witnessed. It's gives an amazing sense of release as we may let go everything that has been weighing us down.

whew... sorry, I got a bit caught up.

But beyond of the emotion, this movie is genuinely comical. I found myself laughing from start to finish. Even when there was no dialog at all characters euphemisms were enough to rise a chuckle out of me (think Mr. TortillaHead isn't funny? Think again). No big drawn out laughter, but enough to catch, and still progress with the movie.

ACTION- This category seems almost pointless to put, as I'm not making things like 'comedy' a category, but I just want to drive this point home. This movie is action packed. From the introductory sequence with run away trains and giant metal pig ships, this movie keeps you at the edge of your seat. The prison break sequences at daycare keep your fingers crossed as the toys follow elaborate plans with very small details. And the final scenes. The climax of the movie... Breathtaking. Never have I been so anxious sitting in a theater seat as I was at the end of TS3.

CHARACTERS- The final piece of note in this film, the characters. Now, aside from a few familiar faces, we see a return of our favorite plastic gang. All of whom are being voiced by those who voiced them 11 years ago. All except, Slinky Dog who's voice actor had died and been replaced. However, the new voice actor does an awesome job stepping up to the plate (even if I do think they cut a lot of speaking time for good 'ol slink because of it... maybe it's just me). The new faces we see fit into the mix quite well. All characters, as per Pixar's usual, fit their characters to the T (which is a HUGE pet-peeve of mine when it comes to all of these new fucking terrible cartoon shows and such...). And as well as being appropriately voiced, these new characters have well painted back stories, well thought out roles, and gorgeous designs. Among the new list of characters, I believed my favorites were the wise telephone car (who knew about life 'on the inside'), the not so cheerful (and comically obese) clown. And huzzah! Totoro makes a special appearance! Miyazaki. Respek.

At the end of it all, the movie was great. I honestly felt at home with it. I was witnessing my childhood being projected at me in three dimensions at one in the morning. It was like I had already seen and fallen in love with the movie. I give the movie a perfect 10 out of 10 and say that it did a fantastic job of bookending the series. I grew up with these toys and they gave me the best closure I could have asked for. It means so much to me the the good men and women did not disappoint me in the slightest. I wish I could meet the Pixar staff just so I could hug them. I wouldn't need to bother them asking for autographs, or waste much of their time nagging them with questions or comments, I just want hugs.

Oh God

I honestly never thought I'd come back here. I really did have the intent of leaving this all behind me. I'm only here because we were talking about blogs tonight at the Hookah bar. And so when I finally got home from another day of hanging out with people and not saying the things I've been wanting to get off of my chest, I changed, brushed my teeth and started looking through my blog. I was shocked to only see 3 posts [not including this] for the entire year of 2010. Here I thought that this year would change me. I thought maybe this year just wouldn't be like the rest...

Nevertheless, I read some of my older stuff and thought to myself 'wow... amidst the random garbles of filth I thought I was writing out of sheer boredom, there really is some powerful stuff in here'. It may sound stupid, but I really don't remember the things I've wrote in my blog. I often either wrote things early in the morning (like this guy) or on the fly in the afternoon (mainly just chronicling what I was doing/feeling at that exact moment. So it's crazy for me to look back at the keys I've stroked (hehe... stroked) and just what I've made.

And It Goes On And On

Word up fam. I'm in studio and it's now 4 in the morning. I'm reasonably sleepy, but more than that I'm tired. I'm tired in the sense that I'm just... blah. I just wanna rest up, and do what I wanna do. I'm getting super sick of running around all over the damn place. Work involves too much work...

Beyond my little rants regarding school and loneliness, there's a few highlights and tidbits.

1. Google Chrome, Google Chrome, Google Chrome. It pwns the shit out of IE! It looks a Hell of a lot nicer (less clutter, more artsy and pleasing to the eyes) it's easy to use (basic controls and functionality) there's amusing text (stats for nerds) and you can open up incognito windows which don't appear in your browser history (GREAT for porn). Overall, I find it a lot more pleasing than IE, and am glad I made the switch.

2. I have FINALLY beat Half-Life. No it has not eluded me for years as though it may sound. I actually just bought it a few short months ago (sad for someone who has been gaming his whole life I know). You see, my old computer was not at all capable to do...well... anything. So long story as well as load times later, I got a new computer and have to catch myself up on big name PC games (in no way would I bastardize games like Half-Life on console. And I'm a console gamer!). It was a great game. Fun, engaging, and way ahead of it's time. Granted, it pissed me off a few times here and there, and some things were just laughable by today's standards, it was still fantastic. You just really don't get that level of design and gameplay in most modern games ESPECIALLY first person shooters. I'm now looking forward to picking up that good 'ol Orange Box and continuing on with the series. Ah, one more thing. I was quite disappointed I had to dl Steam to even play the game. Now, Steam is a pretty solid program, and I like the look etc. etc., but I really did not want it... I'm not a big pc gamer, and don't want to be associated as such. Maybe it's just one of those hates with little ground, but whatever... Shit happens (see title :) )

3. Superman/Batman: Public enemies. I finally got around to watching it. It was okay. The graphic novel is better. Read it.

4. I'm watching a Captain America movie from 1990. It blows hard ass and makes me feel dirty that I'm still watching it.

I'm really getting bored writing now, so I'm just gonna end this here. Wish I was sleeping :)!!!

Hey There Pilot

Wow... Blogging again. I know I say that every time I decide to take this thing off of the shelf, but that's the first thing that comes to my mind every time.

If you'd like to know what's going on in my life, you're out of luck... cuz I really don't know what's going on. My social life has sort of become like school. I feel like I'm a circus act balancing spinning plates in both arms, legs chest nose, and cock... And now I'm always afraid I'm going to drop something the second I forget it's there. It may be a poor analogy, but it works, I swear.

Lets start with school: Blah, blah, blah. Bitch bitch, bitch. I don't like college. Wa, wa, wa. Architecture forcibly shoves it's large penis in my ass. Woopty-fucking-doo. I've got some homework I'm neglecting right now...

Okay, moving on. My friends. They're all running around. Literally. Some are in school, some are dropping out of school, some are sort of half in/ half out of school, and others have nothing more than to play video games all day (mad jealous right now). Some I've been a dick to, some I've been caring to, and some I'm not quite sure. I've been seeing people change, and I've been seeing a lot of people claiming change. And we all seem to be in this emotional limbo right now. And I care for all of my friends, I do, but when I get into these deep, meaningful, or serious talks, there's really only one thing running through my head... me. It's like I want to help them all, but how will it improve myself, or my situation in life. Am I so wrong for doing it? I mean, yeah, I don't slip shit in there at the expense of others... but my interests are quite important to me. Why can't I ask for nudes from the women I've known for years and who have come to trust me? I just wanna see them naked, that's all. And yes, I'll be honest, I'd probably use the pictures in my own time to get all horned up, shoot one off, and relax a bit... I still pay attention to them, and try working through any issues they might have, but I'm miserably lonely...

And I'm not the only one who really feels this way either. You see, my architecture buddies (who I've been drinking with as of late (I'm drinking right now) which, as you may know, I don't do much of... well, before a few days ago... never have). all have girlfriends, and while we were hanging out, expressed such relief that they had someone... It was someone they could count on to be there because, having so much work for archy, they haven't the time to worry about meeting anyone... And i agree. That's what I want. that's all I've ever wanted. I'm looking for someone who I can honestly call 'my best friend'. Someone, who I'm not together with for just something physical, or someone who just makes good conversation, or someone I can just be silly and cute around, but someone who I can be myself around and do everything from the physical to the emotional. I'm looking for a woman where dating isn't a big deal... it just is. I need someone who finds the day-to-day alright. Who will settle with hanging out with people at times, and at others just curling up together and being lazy. Sadly, I've been drawing nearer to the conclusion that this person doesn't exist... and the closest thing I've got to that... well, lets just say that has many small issues with it... but I could talk about aspects of that for days, and I would likely not be any closer to anything real... so I won't. Plus, I'm trying not to be super hypocritical about that situation... I'm now in the 'watch what you do, watch what you say' boat. Why? Because things are serious!

I swear I'm too horny for my own good... As a single man, I'm a menace to society.

I Feel Like This Is It

First off, I must apologize for the way my title may come off. It's not everday that I get myself worked into a mindset that I just can't help spewing 'insight' out of my brain. It may come off as trite and emo, but I'm trying my best which....

I haven't done this in a while, and oddly, I feel like a rcovering drug addict trying to porcure a normallife after treatment. This is my triumphant addicts annomous meeting that I can talk to others who know I've had these problems and I know whta it's like to rip myself away. Of course, this isn't one of those meetings, and it's quite presumptous for me to say that my problems are anything like yours, and yours anything like mine. But I feel, nevertheless, like I've admitted to somehting, and am letting it all pour out of me for the good of the whole. If you don't read this, I understand. This is for me.

I am, at my best, a person who cannot be 'described'. I've got mountains of opinions, all of which, don't mean a thing if you disagree. They are, at the ends of ends, just opinions, but nevertheless, I hold true to them. I try my best to base my opinions on concrete analysis' that may take me seconds, weeks, months, even years to establish. And no, I'm not saying I've got firm grasps on any of it. I'm not claiming that at all... Most tihngs in my life, in this world, I may never make sense of. But then again, it's not my job to. I get so worked up in being everywhere and trying to effect everyone, that I forget just what it is I'm looking at (Case and point, I think I segwayed about three times in the past paragraph with little to no rhyme or reason. Sorry).

Lately, and like many of us from time to time, have felt quite bipolar really... One second I will be so happy, being myself and loving... well life... the next second (yes, it happens that fast) I am depressed, and I just can't take it any more. I've been up and down so many times in the past month, I've really begun to think that I may have some sort of problem. i just can't seem to keep
things straight in my mind any more. Who are the people I truly care for, and how do I care for them? Are they friends, family, co-workers, lovers, significant others, or even perfect strangers? They've all seemed to meld and mesh and I can't seem to tell them apart. It's as though I love and despise them all at the same time, and cannot differentiate them unless I make example of one to see how that effects the others...

There's so many things I try my best not to admit to. The people I like, the people I dislike, my true feelings about everything. It's like I can't let anything outside without it causing a wave that washes over all those closest to me and potentially destroy what I have with them. God, even now, I don't know what I'm building up to with this. I know this must sound horribly depressed and the low of the low, but I'm not sad right now. I just want to know the answers really. You know, we walk around so confused, so disconnected, when all we really need are the answers. But we've become so distached with the answers because they hurt us or scared us, that we completely forget the questions.

I'm sorry, I can't seem to find my focal point here. I don't think I ever really had one I guess... I just came back to the one place that I felt free. Free to open up, and not be so afraid of what might happen. I don't think I even knew what that meant until it was 'torn away' from me. I just want it back. Not my blog per se, but the innocense. The amount of things wrong in this world are mind crippling, and that's without the emotional heartache we all put each other through. I just feel that I am but one in many, and despite what I do to see you smile, I am never going to change the world. It's because of this that I can't answer my own questions... Why are we not just trying to be...happy? It's like we put ourselves through so much just to come out with nothing. There are just so many things right now that could cause my own, as well as others happiness, but they just don't see it. Am I wrong? I can not bring myself to say that I am, in all honesty, a bad person, but then why am I so tempted to cause others pain?

We all seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Maybe I am depressed. Maybe I'm just saddened by the fact that I don't have that one thing I'm looking for... Or, maybe it's just that I, much like everyone, doens't honestly know what it is I'm looking for... All I know is that I want someones hand to hold while I'm looking for it... I'm sorry I'm going on and on about all of this.

I know this next part will come off as very, very one sided, but I wish people could just see things my way. It's like if people saw things my way, we could agree, and if we agree, we wouldn't argue, and if we don't argue we may... just... be... happy...

Maybe I'm just wrong. And maybe, it is as I said it was... that my opinions truly don't matter because they are only opinions, and opinions are only personal...

I will end this all here, and refuse to put you through any more written torture. I will leave you with one 'insightful' tidbit of what I was going to post as my status at 1am but the ever powerful Facebook Nazi said it was too long:

"thinks that when people write out lists of the 'perfect man', or the 'perfect woman', they are only setting themselves up for unmet and unrealistic expectations. Women: Edward Cullen doesn't exist. No man will ever be the 'bad boy', and still be the cute charming man that you say you're looking for, and if he is, call his bluff. It's an act. Men: Going after a a woman who is 'hot', and will put out, likely won't have a clue who you are as a person, and despite your rough exterior is something you do look for. Emotions aren't a weakness, don't be afraid to admit to them. Stop looking for these attributes to check off of some list and look around you. Stop looking for signs of grandeur, and focus more on how two people may benefit from each others happiness... Relationships aren't a science, they're an art form. Paints can mix, change, and alter perceptions. Numbers never will. (sorry for the rant at 1 in the morning >.<...)"

...

There's something seriously wrong with me. I'm an unstable individual...

Hooray For Me!

In a time where I've been feeling lost and a little out of it, I've still managed to keep on myself about things I need to get done. For example: I finished The Ultimates 1 & 2 today, I finished my architecture model, I'm almost done with my Urban Planning essay (due Thursday next week), all I need left to do is study Psych (test Monday), I need to make a digital model of my physical model (also due Thursday), and a plan and section plan of my model. Easily accomplished... I hope. Either way, I'm pretty psyched for finishing things today, as well as having somewhat of a plan for the other things I need to finish.

Plus, I got some Tales done Wed. night with the guys, and we're hopefully doing some more Sat. night once I'm done with work (ugh, I've got twenty hours of work this weekend...).

One more thing I'll press on before I go (>.< style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://fc03.deviantart.com/fs48/f/2009/227/3/7/Life_Starts_Now_Album_Cover_by_psychopath94.jpg">

Shit... I Don't Know!

Why do I even bother...

So, I've still got a reasonable chunk of time left to my day, but I figured I'd blog now and get it out of my way...

Here we go. After having taken both pysh classes this morning, I've discovered that they overlap quite a bit, that I have some impending tests, and that I feel like a jackass when I take naps in them... Yeah.

On a different note, I'm currently watching the season premiere of Heroes. I'm so excited :)!!! Now, if only Andrew could get our season 2 DVD back, and season 3 would stop costing so much... My Heroes addiction is all coming back to me like a Vietenamse prostitute who 'love me long time'. I did however pre-order season 4 of HIMYM via Amazon (I'm Amazon.com's bitch). Aaaaand, because the free shipping super saver eligible only counts for purchases $25 or more (And season 4 cost 24.99 (fuck you almighty system!!!)) I also bought Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (I'm a raging addict!).

I also finished reading InterWorld. It was okay. I mean, it was sort of a guilty pleasure fun read than anything else. The afterword was also really cool. I know that sounds lame, me praising the afterword of a novel rather than the book itself, but Gaiman seems to enjoy these little afterword tidbits. Nevertheless, an enjoyable book, that, oddly enough, reminded me of Mrs. Vogt. I don't know what it was about it... It just reminded me of highschool homeroom all over again...

Well, Heroes just ended and I'm a slave once more... But alas, I must finish up here and get to work on my architecture assignment. Toodles!

Break.

I thought blogging would be a better use of my time than twiddling my thumbs (It's harder than it looks!)



So, in other news, Three Days Grace just released their newest cd today, entitled Life Starts Now (TDG website). Currently, I'm listening to it stream via their website. I must say (and mind you, I've only gotten through the first three songs (lol)) So far, it's mediocre. Their first single, Break, is good, but I can't help but feel it's more poppy than their previous releases. I guess I'll just have to cross my fingers for the rest of the cd. One more note on this album, is that I'm kinda thinking about purchasing their crazy huge bundle thingy from their website... But it r expensive... So, being morally opposed to making large purchases right now, I think I'm gonna ultimately pass on that... YAAAAAAARR!!!



Anyways, today is a pretty dreary day, and despite the fact that it's not even 5 (at the time of writing this) I feel like I've had a mind-numbingly long day... I don't know what it is... I just feel like this day is crawling...

I actually met up with my cousin today on campus. Ben and I met him in the Union and we all had lunch together... It was a pretty short encounter, but this is the first time he and I have hung out since school started. It was odd trying to just play catch up with him, so I'm hoping he and I will hang out some more while we both waste our lives away on campus. Plus, I may need a place to crash once my architecture projects start getting bigger, and I start spending late nights on campus (he says his suite mates are never there... so that'll work out).

And continuing on from there (I almost missed class because of this sucker!). Anyways, I finished off my school day (Urban planning... yhuck!) and was glad to have it all done. However, Urban Planning was reasonably interesting today because we had a guest lecturer. He was a big black guy that reminded me of Samuel L. Jackson. He was badass and actually made laws governing planners mildly entertaining. Regardless, I was glad to get home, and even more glad that the pimp of a bus driver drove me to my door because it was raining (pretty lightly at that time, but regardless). While at home, I ate (a meatloaf samich), finished rewatching season 3 of HIMYM, and read a good sized portion of The Ultimates (I finished Book 1). I feel like I've accomplished a lot, but when it comes to school... I'm pushing off all of my responsibilities... So long as I get it all done right?

WELL ISN'T THAT JUST GREAT FOR YOU! WHY DON'T YOU CHOKE AND DIE YOU PIECE OF...

No, that title has nothing to do with this post or how I'm feeling... just a spot of fun...

So, I've still got some work to do, maybe some reading, and I did want to get to bed reasonably early tonight, so I'm gonna breeze through this weekend like shit in a pigeon (terrible analogy)

So, Friday, I skipped my psych discussion, worked on my Architecture model, then went to a Brewers game. At said game, I brought the Ultimates Omnibus with me, and was the coolest kid reading the thousand page graphic novel before the game started. The Brewers won. However, baseball is very boring, and my mom is embarassing, so I spent a lot of time texting Maddie, who came into town for the weekend.

That brings me to Saturday. Maddie came to my house in the morning to say hello. We said hello. Then she offered to drive me to work if I went to Pick n Save with her. Upon leaving Pick n Save, Pat and Holly drove up. This interaction was awkward considering 'current events' and the fact that Maddie didn't tell anyone she was in town 'cept for me... but the only reason she was in town is because one of her kitties is sick (I'm not even a cat person, and this is cruching news :( KITTY!!!). So, then I went to work. After work I went to Kiwis for a few hours. Then I went to Maddie's. We watched the Boy in the Stripped Pajamas. Nazis are douchbags. The movie wasn;t as sad as I'd been told it was... it was predictable and wasn;t built up correctly. We started Corpse Bride, and I fell asleep.

Sunday, I woke up, and walked home. Ate, then went to work again. Work was lame, way too long, and filled with the crazies who only seem to show up on Sundays. After work, I went into the fitness center and got a work out in. Basically, it's like this: I've got a nice non-douche kind of personality mkaing me the 'sweet' and 'cute' kind of guy. Which I greatly preffer over most other options (i r not want 2 b a dick :-0). So, the way I see it, is if I were to bulk up and look more like the 'typical muscular' type of guy, yet retained a decent personality, that I would pwnzr most of the competition... Now all I need to do is talk to people, and I'm set...

I'M GONNA STOP HERE BECAUSE I'M BUSY WHOLALALALALALALA!!!!!!

Shift

I don't feel like I'm moving on... I know I'm moving, but it seems more like horizontal shifts than any sort of forward motion. There's so many little things I'm keeping track of and watching, that it really doesn't seem like any of them amount to anything... I have yet to take any tests this semester (2 quizzes, but they were online), paper due the 1st of Oct., and a project due on Monday... And yet I feel like... I'm not doing anything... At least nothing worth mentioning... nothing important...

Whatever, the semester just started *tear*.

I really want to work more with 3D images, photoshops, and animations... I dabbled quite a bit in Blender over the summer, but now that I'm taking a Digital Modeling class for architecture... I really want to get into it some more... The only downside is that these little side projects and hobbies take way too much time and attention (at least if I want them to look good...). It's sorta bothersome... I wish I knew some more people willing to learn how to animate and such and we could just make some cool looking shit in our free time. Unfortunately, most of my friends don't have the attention spans, or artistic confidence needed to power you through long ass processes like these... Shit, who am I kidding, it's not like I have the attention span either... True, I know how to use most of these programs, but I don't have the motivation to stick to it to finish something cool looking (Take for instance "9" the short film... it took 4 years to make... it's 10 minutes long... Fuck.) So I guess I'll settle for minor minor projects that make the few minute people around me say, "that's kinda cool... let's go do something else"...

I'm gonna stop myself here. Mainly becuase if I keep talking, I'm either going to continue bitching about school, or start talking about a few things I want to do... I guess it is my blog and I can say whatever I feel... but I don't want to deal with that many eyes rolling at me... So, fuck it... I'm gonna get the Hell off of campus, go to Ben's and play Tales of Vesperia!

As Always

I don't know how I forget it every year. Somehow, whether I'm just ignoring it or not, I can never get it through my head that school will rob most of my time. I always start the year with various projects in my mind, and things I'll get done... And then school pushes all of them aside while uttering a boisterous, "Fuck you!". However, regardless of my silly assumptions and large ambition, I have [slowly] been squeezing in things I WANT to do.

For instance: I finished reading "Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating the DC Universe" vol. 1. Basically, Stan Lee wrote a bunch of stories (mainly the origins) with the title DC characters. As much as this is a fanboys wet dream, it amounts to little more than a campy book with a few laughs in it. The art was good, but story wise, it was really what you'd expect from Stan Lee (who's fucking crazy). He really 'marveled' up the characters making them much more frilly and always attacked by radiation and what not... The dialogue for the most part is really lame, and Stan's editorial notes were the worst attempt at humor I've seen since C3po in the prequel trilogy... And yet, despite the fact that they are horribly campy and undeniably lame, I'm still gonna pick up the other two volumes... Here is where I hang my head in shame.

I also finished Shaman King vol. 1 (that's right!). I really liked that series when I was younger, and when I say the first book at Half Price, I had to pick it up. I've never read the series straight through in it's entirety, so I gave myself a push to start (which I've been saying I'd do for some time now). The only down side is that there's 25 volumes... and I'm not too into manga [anymore]. I likely will end up getting the rest of the series... just don't judge me...

I'm almost done reading InterWorld, which has been entertaining thus far, even though it is a book meant for children (Gaiman still uses quite a powerful sense of writing though... He's a literary genius). Nevertheless, it goes by relatively quickly because I am not its target audience...

I still need to finish reading that pesky Resident Evil book series... I've been in the middle of the last book for months now... I just have to power read through the damn thing and get it out of the way.

The next books on my docket? The Absolute Sandman vol. 1 (I'm already half done with it), The Ultimates omnibus (it's a 900 page graphic novel... I fear for myself), and likely either finishing the Chronicles of Narnia series (I think I've only read half of the books, but have owned them all for years) or start the Lord of The Rings series (also have owned for years and never read).

It's pretty crazy... I've never been one for reading...

I also have finally set some plans for myself to FINALLY scan all of my art. Complete works, doodles, sketches... anything I find appealing to the eye (and some I don't) will be scanned and posted online. Expect updates on that soon peoples!!!

And the main thing holding me back from finishing all of this stuff now is school work (and those silly needs to want to eat and sleep)... Work (the one I get paid for) isn't all that bad because I only work on the weekends now. It's slow and I can bring homework to finish there. But despite all of my whining and bitching, school has been going pretty smoothly this semester. I'm actually doing assigned reading, writing notes, staying awake, and minding due dates and schedules. I've still got this paranoid feeling looming over me that there's a crucial piece I'm missing and one day I'm gonna show up to a class that I am completely lost/screwed/behind in... but that has yet to happen. Some courses... I'm actually ahead...

Fuck The Title

Damn. I've wanted to post for the past few days now, but I've kept pushing it off until it's too late and I tell myself I'll do it the next day... Well, now, having had a few hours open up, I've got the time.

So. One thing I've wanted to do is post a few reviews of the latest energy drinks I've poisoned my body with to stay alive (Btw, I'm not as crazy as I seem. Other people do this too... However I can't post a link to it because apparently the guy stopped blogging... huh... you learn something new everyday...). The first was a generic gas station pick up: Buzzed Energy. It has a nice can, simple yet effective designs, with a nice color scheme. But the praise ends there. The drink itself tasted like a bad mix of Red Bull and Monster, yet adding to that with a syrupy quality. It wasn't good. It managed to keep me alert, but that might be because of the unpleasantness now coursing through my body. The other drink was Monster: Assault. I must say I really liked the red 'M' logo. I was always a fan of the original green one, but the red... looked so much more vicious... The camo design added to the can was useless, and the little description piece about the camo was lame (yes, I do tend to read what's printed on the cans... What? I'm a college student, I get bored...). The drink itself was pretty good. It reminded me of the Red Bull cola a little. Or like Unbound (which I'm pretty sure I never posted an actual review of). However, like other Monster drinks, and other sugary energy drinks like it... it made my teeth hurt by the end of it...

In other news I finished my architecture model on time and got some relatively positive feed back on it. Now I'm sticking to a schedule and getting more work done on campus, so I won't have to take it home and work on it at work (where I got a lot of strange comments and started a lot of odd conversations).

I also just showed up to my Psych 254 Discussion for the first time today. The discussion itself should help me out because there is a lot of topics covered in lecture, most of them dealing with things similar to what you'd see in an anatomy class (except it does more to relate that to emotions). However the class itself is thrown in the basement of a building. Its room number is B17, which makes me think of battleship every time I see it. It's a small room with hard white walls, no windows, and no clock. It's kinda scary really...

In OTHER news not related to myself. Kanye West is a dick. Why? Because he ran onstage and said Beyonce had the best video of the year. Wow. Kanye, I actually like your music but you are an egotistical maniac, who is coincidentally not Jesus. Even though I'm really not into Taylor Swift, and I could care even less about MTV, but what he did was just rude. She's 19 for God's sake and that award was likely the greatest gift anyone could have given her. Now, I haven't seen Kanye's "apology" on Jay Leno (which I've heard gets quite emotional), but I have read his blog posts, and they're pretty weak. You can tell he's only saying it to get people off of his back about it... Even 50 Cent is angry at him!!! Kanye West, you are a dick.

Then again, the same is thought of me... So I guess it's really up to the eye of the beholder...

Relapse. Prevent. Trigger. Intent. Now Drown.

Well folks, the day has finally come. Ever since the conception of my blog, I knew it would come. we even jokingly said it would happen in class. But it has finally happened. Someone has gotten offended by the remarks made in my blog! DUN-DUN-DUN!!!
I must say though, I never thought it would happen like this though... After about a year of posting about my fucked up bipolar-esque emotions, troubles with work and its inhabitants, mocking insults towards friends, analogies to Speed and Speed 2, stories of my own sexual exploits (you probably don't remember any of those because they are too few and far between...), reviews of just about anything, as well as what other horrid filth I fill this thing with, I’ve finally been called out on something. What you ask? A few passing remarks and the choice of a movie.
Yes, it seems Pat has found some of comments… Untactful. And subsequently cowardice because I didn’t say them to him… After hearing his complaints, I realized they were all misunderstandings. However, I still couldn’t help feeling… what’s the right word here…wronged, because I was having words put into my mouth, and thoughts put into my head. I’ve condensed the whole argument to a few key points. He was basically upset with me and my blog because of:

1. The Fact That I Wanted To See District 9. - And? So I wanted to see District 9... So what? I still went to see G.I. Joe… Ugh! It’s a movie!… Moving on.


2. I Referred To Pat As A Stereotypical College Student. - Yeah… I honestly don’t remember calling him that (but then again that’s what I get for typing these things when Taco Bell closes… midnight or later). So I guess I could see why he’d get angry at that… And yet I still don’t see myself as TOO out of line because he and his friends were the ones that cracked out the hookah. True, they weren’t getting drunk, partying, and having promiscuous relationships, so maybe “stereotypical college student” was a bit of a harsh way of wording… What I was really driving towards was that now that I finally know some people on campus, and tried hanging out with them, all they did was sit around smoking and listening to metal music. I’m not saying they’re wrong for doing so (I’ve got this funny little thing where I don’t tell people how to live their lives), but it’s really not my scene…


3. I Said That Pat And I Weren’t Good Friends. - … This, easily being the most taken out of context line of the bunch, also has the easiest explanation. It’s simple really. I graduated from high school over a year ago. I knew tons of people from high school that I more or less lost contact with. Pat was one of them. So he and I talked/hung out… Um… Maybe three times in the past year. I’m not blaming anyone for that, don’t get me wrong, I’m just saying that I think it’s hard to call someone a good friend when you’ve talked to them so sparingly. I’ve known Holly since 6th grade, and the same would apply to her. I’d be hard-pressed to say that she’s still a good friend when we’ve kept so little contact with one another… Soooo… How am I wrong here? If Pat would like to recall, I was the one who text him the first day of class to see what he was doing. Maybe, and here’s just a thought, that if I’ve virtually fallen out of contact with a friend from high school, and have been given an opportunity to catch up and regain friendship, and have taken it… Am I still a bad person for saying that we’d lost at least part of that friendship over that past year? I didn’t think so, but it seems I left enough room for debate.


I don’t know, I still think this whole thing has been blown out of proportion… When Pat first called/text me about it, I was in class, which my not answering probably wasn’t a good sign to him. Either way, when I got out of class, I really didn’t know why he was pissed off at me until I called him and he expressed his frustration about my blog… And yeah, I get it. My blog is basically my own journal for my life where I post anything, and any time anyone reads something about themselves and it’s not ‘good’ [per se] they’re likely to get upset with me… And I would have expressed this all to him on the phone then, but me babbling like an idiot while trying to purchase my architecture supplies didn’t strike me as an appealing idea. Besides, I’d rather do it face to face anyways. He wasn’t on campus so I couldn’t do it then, but I’m really not in a big hurry to do it. I’m not pushing it off or anything, it’s just that I don’t need another thing on my list of shit stressing me out. Besides, as I’ve already stated in this blog, it’s all a misunderstanding anyways, so I don’t see it as big a deal as everyone else does… Pat, from the sound of his voice, seemed to take this as some sort of personal attack on his character, which, despite anything he may have read in my blog, couldn’t be further from the truth. To prove my point:
Here is a works document containing all of my blog posts (yeah, it’s huge). Upon using my ‘ctrl-f’ short key, and searching “Pat is a jerk and I hate him” (sorry it's so small... otherwise you could read that for yourself), works finished and the search item was not found… Because I didn’t say anything like that… Because I never meant anything like that… Case closed.

9 On The 9th Day, Of The 9th Month, Of The 9th Year, At 9 O'Clock

That's right. The poster and title of the post should tell it all. The epic tale of a group of friends celebrating one of it's own's birthday.

But, let's take a few steps back for now. First, I got up (which has been strange. My sleep pattern during the summer was atrocious, but I've been doing quite well this semester [so far]). I fucked up my oatmeal, so I had some truly bad mush for breakfast. I still ate it all because I knew it would all I've got to eat till lunch. I was ready and out the door a little early. I waited at the bus stop for a while, all while dreading the decision to wear my hoodie. It was already warm enough not to wear it, and I knew the day was only set to get warmer. The next stop, Steve was waiting... a long with like 30 other people. Even after that stop there were a few people standing... great, the next stop is gonna be fun... And it was. Steve and I watched as more and more people piled into the bus together, packing quite tight to fit everyone. But Steve and I had seats, so it was all good. We talked until we got to campus, where I pushed my way at the first stop (I really wanted to get off at the second stop, but I say an oppurtunity to get through, so I took it). My morning more or less consisted all of my psych classes which I was able to get through swimmingly with the aid of my good energy drink friends.

Today's pick was an AriZona Pomegranite Green Tea Energy Drink. I must say, I was really looking forward to trying this bad boy, because it mixed my favorite drinks: Tea (which AriZona is one of my favorite brands to begin with), and Energy Drinks. The pomegranite was really just icing on the cake for me. The drink was good (a lot better than Amp's energy tea). It was nice blend of tea, and energy kick so that neither taste was overpowering the other. The pomegranit wasn't all too prominent. It tasted more like AriZona's apple tea than it did the pomegranit. Nevertheless, I liked it. As for the energy, it had 80 mg of caffiene, and all that taurine and vitamins and crap, but it wasn't very carbonated. This seems a new trend in the "better" energy drinks to make it less bubbly, and thus making it seem less "energy drinky" for those who would otherwise not drink energy drinks (I think... I'm no marketer... They're the scum of the Earth).

I then went to my studio to waste some time unitl my actual studio time. I ate, then started doodling for my assignment. I made some progress before I had to go downstairs for lecture. Lecture in essence went through everything our project was supposed to be and what it wasn't supposed to be. Sooooo... I threw out my old idea, and adapted my ideas to fit the correct criteria. I also spent most of my time on Facebook chat talking to Maddie and Karliesa. I found out that Maddie was going to see 9 too, but she was going with her friend Nathan, because he was the only one who was willing to go. Long story short, she's starting to see why no one really likes him... Which is, believe me, a good thing. When it was finally time to get out of there, I nearly ran out. It's not that I dislike that class, but it was the fact that I was there for too long and just wanted to go home.

I waited for the bus for awhile before it finally came. I was almost absent minded enough to forget to flash my I.D. before stepping on the bus (I was on the phone), but I remembered and whipped it out before I looked too stupid. That bus ride... was interesting. (Note, for anyone (I doubt there will be) who doesn't know the local road layout, this will make little to no sense). So Ou ride started and went along fine until we went the wrong way before ramping on to I-43. Immediately the older woman, the mom, went to the front of the bus to have a chat with the bus driver. The woman infront of me (she was a cutie) turned around and said, "leave it to the mom to see what the problem is". My response, "that's what they're there for...". Turns out there was an accident, and insted of taking an hour or more on a backed up freeway, the driver made an improvised route to Green Bay Rd.. That went fine for a little while before Green Bay started getting congested because of all of the road construction. So agian, the bus driver wasn't gonna stand for it. He improvised yet again and took us all over to Teautonia (I'm pretty sure my spelling on that is still wrong...). It was so badass. Others were either laughing or a bit nervous, but I thought it was great. It was my story for the day. So we finally pulled into town, albiet it may have been a fuck ugly route. We still beat Steve's bus though (he was stuck on I-43 lololololololololol!!!). So I got home, and what was waiting for me? The Ultimates Omnibus. An 880 page graphic novel. One of the few Marvel novels I have, is now one of my most epic (However, nothing will knock the Absolute Sandman over as the MOST epic). I was quite stoked for that, even if I felt bad that I couldn't start reading it. I caught a quick supper (by that time I was really fucking hungry), and then hoped on the 12 to Kiwi's house. From there I learned of the failure that is Catherine. She opted out of the movie last minute because she learned it would be a few bucks cheaper when Steve was going on the weekend. Bitch. So we were now down to one vehicle. Ben's. So me, Kiwi, Jake, Ben, Smerz, and Beau and were in Ben's car. After stopping at Pick n' Save/Factory card outlet to pick up some party hats and party blowers, we were on our way. Then we hit a detour. Fuck. Then the detour dissapered. Fuck. Then we were surrounded by white people. Fuck. Then Jake gave fucked up directions. Fuck. But, somehow, if by the grace of some higher power, we got there barely on time. We met Sante in the theater, and enjoyed our movie.

9. The movie is basically about 9 dolls fighting robots. And it's one of the few CG movies rated pg-13. It wasn't a kids movie by any means, but I also think it's probably better for kids than most other pg-13 movies (no abrassive language, just action and loud noises). First, let me start be saying that the CG animation was FUCKING AMAZING! This movie was one of the few that I give enough credit that it, without any doubt, could compete with the Likes of The One And Only. There was only one instance where I did notice repeating textures, and some of the backgrounds seemed semi-flat. But still... Fucking amazing... The character designs and art direction I liked from the first time I saw the trailer. I loved the character models for #1-9, the robots looked creative and imaginative, and the explosions and constant glowing greens offered a lot of nice contrasts. Plus the over-all Burton-esque dark gloomyness of the flick just seemed awesome in CG. Another high point to the film was it's messages. The metaphors in that movie run rampant and make so many comments, critiques and flat out jabs at our society, the world at large, and the troubles faced with being human. There were big, all encompasing messages, small subtle messages, and some you could really just find personal meanings and interpretations. I liked that about the movie because it really made it obvious what this movie was all about. Putting a story to a message. However, my own real problem came in with the plot itself. As a mesage, as a metaphor, it worked perfectly, but as a film... it fell short... It seemed rushed with a lot of minor problems that caused it to fall short of its full potential. The pacing of the movie seemed sloppy, and the character devolopment well... there wasn't much character development to speak of... Overall, it is still an enjoyable film, and worth a watch just to see the animation alone.

After the movie, we hung around the theater being general nuisances, and annoyances to any and all employees. When we finally left the theater, we did the same thing out in the parking lot... only louder. But we finally left, found our way back into Brown Deer, and one by one dispurssed. Happy Birthday Kiwi. It was a fun time!

I Can't Wait To Be Addicted

There it is. The impulse. I need it. It can't be ignored, you can hear it screaming. I need it. I need it. I need it!

I'm of course talking about blogging, and the fact that I'm getting back into the habit of posting once a day, and writing whenever I've got the time. It feels... It feels good! So much power!

Anyways, I'd first like to say that I saw too much of myself in this video, and the song has been stuck in my head all day. I don't know what it is about it... but I can't stop humming along with it all day... Gotta' love a good cover.

In other news, I spent the morning cleaning my living room with my mom. I actually woke up this morning at 8 (despite the lack of any real reason), and really had nothing to do until about 2, when I'd leave for class. I wanted to read for a while, but my mom's crusade to clean out her stuff (which angered me, because I don't know where she wants things and what she wants to keep...) took a majority of my time while home. I finally left the house to go to my Urban Planning discussion (yes, I had a discussion before a lecture). Ben and I were trying to get some plans together for later via text (yeah... I'm as shocked as you are... He and I seem to text one another a lot now... Weird.). After some communication ebtween us, a half hour bus ride, then a small talk in the cafeteria area, we set plans for more gaming later tonight. As happy as I am that we're sticking to Vesperia and trying to Juggernaut our way through it, I did plan on going home right after classes today. I've got two reasons why I would like to go home tonight: 1. Because right now I'm fucking starving, I've got another class at 4:30, and then I'm going straight to Ben's (and I'd rather not use his house for gaming and foods... Makes me look like a dick...) and 2. Because I'm gonna have a really fucking long day tomorrow. Wake up at 7, class by 9, classes all day till 5, home, eat, Kiwi's then go see "9" at 9 (yeah... that's right). Luckily, Thursdays don't start for me until like 4... But gaming should be good... assuming I can get some food in my tummy :(

Tales Of A Week On The Fritz

Bloggin'. Yeah.

Hey. Me again. So, because school this semester started on a Wednesday, and the very next week contained a holiday (oh yeah, happy Labor Day), my schedule has been very screwed up. I ended up having to not show up to any classes on Thursday, or Friday. It was nice to have the days off, don't get me wrong, it's just that I need to be able to sink into my schedule... I'm not getting any sink time! And because of Labor Day, I'm losing more sink time! Take for instance tomorrow. Normally, my first class of the day is at noon, but it's a discussion class, and I don't have to show up. So I'm not gonna get a full week until the third week of the semester... Time to adjust...

There may be one good thing coming from my not having to be on campus at noon however. You see, now I don't have to head on over to campus till like 3. This way, I'm able to get the mail before I leave. Why is this important? Because my books are in the mail!!! And we're back to my having beef with Labor Day. NO MAIL ON HOLIDAYS!!! UPS can suckle on my cock...

Plus, after my school books, I ordered The Ultimates Omnibus. Now, I'm more of a DC kinda guy myself, however I was always a fan of collaborations between the Marvel universe characters. Regardless of my preferences, they've got quite an extensive list of characters and mythos. Why not celebrate that with something as massive as The Ultimates?

So, this weekend has also been interesting. Saturday: Work. At work, Becca gave me my first Red Bull ever. It's hard to believe that I've tried so many random energy drinks, but I've never had just plain Red Bull. The verdict? I liked it. It obviously kicked like an energy drink, it wasn't overly carbonated, and it had a nice berry taste. However, I do disagree with Kiwi with the fact that the can, in my opinion, is too small. I'd rather have the full size energy drink. Then again, I just may have a roaring caffeine addiction that will likely sear the bonds of friends, family, and those closest to me... ... ... ... ...After work, Jake and I walked to Steve's, ended up sitting outside of Walgreens talking for quit awhile. Then we all piled into the car, drove to Pick n' Save, bought some soda and bosses and had a little picnic... Yeah, so the 'picnic' was basically me, Coop, Steve, Catherine and Andrew sitting behind my house in the parking lot... It was still entertaining. And then, of course, that douche bag mother fucker who lives in the complex nextdoor started bitching that we were there... At least he didn't call the cops this time...

Sunday: Work. Again. After work Ben came to get Andrew and I. We went back to his place, which contained it's own adventure. In route to Ben's dad's house, we say this vintage VW hippy van driving in front of us. And due to our signature bad judgement, we told Ben to speed up beside him, and blast the radio. What song happened to be play? This. And how were we dancing? Like this. He laughed and surely thought it was epic. Almost as epic as. This. Fun times. After that song, this came on, just adding to the awesomness. When we finally arrived at Ben's Dad's, we immediately busted out Tales of Vesperia and started playing. We're all "Tales" fans and wanted to play through the adventure together. And as much as I know I've got school and work, the allure of an RPG as massive as that, just brings it all back. No matter how many hours I clock [or don't clock] in for, I am, and will always be: a gamer.

Today, didn't really go as I had originally planned. Basically, I ended seeing G.I. Joe and eating at Unos with a bunch of people... It was fun enough, but I always find something to complain about. Well, first off, I ended up sharing some pizza with Joe (who's still not high on my "people I wanna hang out with list"). I was hard core craving some grilled chicken pizza yesterday, so despite the fact that I already ate supper before going with them I was happy. Plus we were able to buy cheaper movie tickets from them, than if we were to go to the theater to pick them up (random...). We were going to either see "Gamer", or "District 9". I was hard core trying to get everyone in agreement for "District 9", which we would have gone to, but Holly doesn't like gore (WHAT ACTION MOVIE DOESN'T HAVE GORE?!?!?! TELL ME?!?!?!). Okay, I'm okay. I'm just glad we didn't see "Gamer" or the new choice of "500 Days of Summer". I really still don't even know what 500 days is about, I just didn't want to see some sappy romantic comedy chick flick with them... it would have made me feel lonely and pretty well left out. We ended up seeing G.I. Joe, which I guess I did wanna see, although I have heard some atrocious reviews of it. It was a fun movie. Mindless action with a few decent lines of dialouge thrown in there to spice things up. The performance by almost every actor and actress in the movie was spotty. It would go from mundane, to a few scenes above average, then to something really... bad... The plot was lame, but in it's defense... It's G.I. Joe. Much like Transformers 2, I will stick up for the lameness... just look at the source material!!! The effects in it were massive. Almost the whole movie was CG, and as much as an artist who's been dabbling in computer animation, I can respect... I don't know, at the same time, it urkes me. The more I see it, the less I can do to stop it... More and more I can see, it's all buisness... You think there was anybody working on this film that really stopped to think "This will be important. What we're doing is unique. It's special. It means somehting". Not likely. The movie was a buisness venture only out to make money with marketing, merchandising and franchising... I guess it's just getting to me more and more lately. Sorry if I'm just coming off as some beatnick hippy college student here, but if you look, you'll see it too...

Anywho, I'm up to late. You know, when you're tired, but still awake and your throat starts to hurt? Yeah, I'm at that point right now. Okay, good night!

First Day Back

Yes, it is True. Yesterday, I started my sophomore year of college. That means that the summer is over, and the grind begins once again.

The night before I tried going to bed at a reasonable hour, however, like all nights before a big day, I can't get any sleep. I just psych myself so much because I have to get sleep. So I grabbed a few hours before waking up at 7am (which I think I've done twice in the past 4 months...). I got up and it all came back to me. Eating breakfast, getting dressed, packing a lunch etc. etc.... I also took a shot of my Taiwanese energy drink to keep me going. I walked to the bus stop and pulled out my phone to check the time... huh... I missed the bus. Damn... That's not a good start to the semester... So I walked to the next stop to kill some time. Once there I only waited a few minutes before Steve pulled in. I walked to the van and we chatted until the bus came. We rode the bus and talked about random shit.

Once we were a few blocks away from campus, I felt it. That bottomless feeling in your tummy. I was nervous, anxious, scared, and angry. It all just hit me, and I suddenly did not feel like going back to school at all... I knew the feeling would pass, so I got off the bus and pressed on to class. My first class: Physiology of Behavior. Even from the first day of class I could tell that it's going to be a bitch. The subject is difficult, the workload is no joke, and the professor is unsympathetic, but all things considered I still like the class [for now at least]. I really find any sort of psychological study very interesting... If I was in anyway interested in a career in the field, I'd likely take it. So we took some notes and then class ended. I had some free time, so I decided to wander about until my next class.

My next class, Pysch 101, was not what I expected. It's held in Bolton 150, which is the largest lecture hall on campus, and the professor is terrible. He actually went over what a scan tron sheet was and how tests on them are taken... As if I haven't taken dozens of tests before on them... Then he went on to droll about other common sense type stuff before opening up the floor to questions. Most questions made me cringe. I was appalled by the ignorance filling the room. But it, like all classes, did end. After that I had plenty of time to waste before my next class.

So I text Pat asking where he was and if he wanted to hang out. I met up with him by his dorm. He was with one of his dorm buddies listening to some "metal" music. I'm not a fan, but we were just gonna be talking anyways. So we talked, mainly about college stuff. He and his friend were both smoking. I was there for a good half an hour before another dorm buddy drove up. This one, set to take their already bothersome smoking to the next level, brought a hookah with him. Now, I am an open minded individual who believes that everyone should experience new things in their lives and that the key to everything is really just moderation... However, I did not feel like smoking at this time. I have, never from a hookah, but regardless. I was told it was healthier than a cigarette, which I didn't doubt, but I'm still not a smoker. I've smoked when I'm depressed and just want to get away. Not when I'm a fuckhole stereotype college student. It was around this time that I realized, my previous assumptions that I would be hanging out with Pat a lot more on campus or in the dorms, was pretty well debunked. I don't, and never really had, too big a problem with Pat. Although we've never been good friends, he's also done nothing truly wrong to me, but I really don't feel like associating myself with his whole gang there. I may sound like a dick... but who the fuck cares? I'm really not into anything he is, so whatever. It's nothing really against him... we just don't click.

So then I went to my next class. My first Architecture class to ever be in the Architecture building!!! As i was waiting outside of my class, the class prior to mine was released. And who should I see coming out from it. Liz, a HOT AS HELL coworker who has a generally decent personality to match her beauty. In the short fleeting conversation I had with her she confessed she didn't know I was a student and that she didn't know I was an Archy major. Unfortunately (fortunately for the front of pants) she told me she wasn't an archy major, just had a class in the building. I also found out she was a senior, which bothered me because, it lowered my already decrypted chances of ever being with her... After she left, I also ran into Alex. Basically, he's a douche from my Highschool who I'd really rather never see again... He told me that he thought I stopped eating. Dumbass. My archy class was pretty boring before we were finally taken up to our studio space. I was/still am excited over the fact that I now have my own studio space. I wasn't happy that I had to drop $300 for supplies, but we move on. I set up my desk while talking to Maddie on Facebook (Yeah, I felt cool talking to people in my studio). I then got my own keys to enter the building and studio after hours (is it sad that I already have sexual fantasies involving after hours in studio?). After that. It was time for home. I had successfully gotten through my first day. It'll be interesting to see how these classes pan out, and how well I think of my major and such after this semester is over.

Why Do You Get All The Love In The World?

(The title of this post is more or less the 'title' of the 'poem' at the end. More than that however, it was the title of a song I was listening to before typing)



So much to report, so much to report, so much to report. First let me start by saying yesterday, was a very good day. For some time now (as if it wasn't hard to tell through a few of my previous posts) I've been, for lack of a better term, depressed. It was like I was this shinning light, there for anybody to take, but it seemed like I was more so being raped with no remorse, and no appreciation. And the more I noticed it, the more I tried pushing it away. I tried this, albiet, unseccesfully, until I finally cracked and couldn't take it any more. I don't want to be who I am. I don't like the small, weak nice guy who lets people push him around and lets people take advantage of him. So, I didn't. I FINALLY put my foot down and said enough. I was sick of being everyone's personal lapdog ready to obey at any command. I understand I'm the nice guy and people came to expect that, and although I'm still a kind being, it's the fact that all of that came as so expected.



Now, when I'm at work and such, I really see no point in telling people, "I was a push over, but now I'm not", because that would be stupid. Things like work and school, I'm just going to change. But things with people around me, they may need to know why. So, for the person I told this face to face with it was... well... lets just say a shock.

there were tears, awkward silences, and comments that really went no where (all of which, I didn't let affect me). It took us a while, but we finally left to run some errands. Pick n' Save was a fun stop. I ended up getting some energy drinks (Yuck, Monster! Oh well... I need to review them as well as get the cans. Speaking of reviews, I'm gonna touch on that later...), some sushi, and some spring rolls. Yes, I willingly got sushi. They were just there, and I had a craving. That was of course after my random craving for cake (I was just gonna buy a big cake). So we finally left, and I spent way too much money. I also say a coworkers daughter in there when we were leaving. She was with her grandparents so I really didn;t want to go up and talk to a five year old infront of people who didn't know me... I don't want my name being put on some kind of list... So we left and decided we should stop to eat.

We ended up stopping at Doctors Park [after a quick stop by The Witches House]. This isn't the first time we've gone to Doctors park together, the first time was actually a cute little surprise for me. Yes, it was a surprise. I was even ordered to close my eyes. Anyways, we walked down to the beach and ate. we also scared some teenagers off. There were two teenagers on a blanket... And as soon as they saw people... they shit right up... then moved their blanket away... LOL!

So we ate and talked, talked and ate, then got up and started strolling the beach... I was shown some select spots, before we finally had to turn around and head back. She dropped me off at home where I actually, get this, got some reading done! Yeah... I know...

A few hours later she came back to pick me up (Yeah, we had an odd shedule going...). I went back to her house to offer some computer help (My laptop pwns the shit out of her Frankencomputer!). And much like the last time, I ended up staying till like 2 in the morning before finally getting a ride home.

I would like to think of myself as a man with honor, so I will respectfully glaze over this piece in the puzzle. My head was in the clouds, and all I know is I'm going to miss her.

The next morning was the best I'd ever had.

Work was gay. That's all you're gonna get because it pissed me off... A lot.

Then we all went to Kiwi's for Sci-Fi movie night (Fuck you Siffy!!! You betrayed your fanbase!). We missed the movie we really wanted to see, and they didn't re-air it, so we just had some crappy movies on as background noise [and hot chicks in bikinis]. we had a lot of good food too... Yum! Boss subs, chicken nuggets, some stir-fry, and Gardettos (fuck the spelling mistake... I'm lazy). I also tried Amps new sugar free. Wow. I must say I was impressed, and not just because it was sugar-free, but because it was genuinly good! It was fruity and boubly. I really liked it. No one could really place what it tasted like, but it tasted good.

That reminds me: reviews. My blog has really lacked that side of things. I don't think I've given a review of movies, music, energy drinks or whatever stupid shit I'd like to give my two cents on... So, I promise to strengthen my scathing reviews. Sorry!

Poem:

"As I relinquish my hope, the last piece of me dissapears behind a cloud of wretched screams.

Knuckles bruised, ribs cracked, and the metallic taste in my mouth won't go away. My head is miles away from my shoulders, my eyes are unable to focus. I am beside myself watching it fall. The cuts mean nothing. The pain isn't even there. I've become everything I've ever hated.

And I love it."

I Dislike Myself (Nice Guys).

You ever wonder why nice guys finish last? It's because we are weak, selfless, and shy people who are constantly letting others walk all over them. we don't stand up for ourselves, because we're not looking to make ourselves happy. We put so many people before us, that we likely never even get the slight chance to express what we want. Often times our generosity consumes us to the point where we can not say no, and we are taken advantage of. It's abuse to the kind person. A mental, and physical abuse we choose to ignore. To press on because complaining just isn't our style. And yet, we are taken for granted. Too easily does the nice person become a two-bit circus act, only around to give other people their jollys. And that's what we soon become: A service. No longer human, we become an act. Something that be called upon, relied on, and incapable of opinion.

It pains me constantly to see myself let this happen. Time and time again, I often can;t hear over the deafening voice screaming inside of my head. It's telling me to stop. Stop, listening, stop obeying, and stop giving in. It wants me just to push it all over, and show people everything they don't want to see: That the service still has a voice.

Still, I ignore it. The voice pounding my head like a starved animal. I ignore it in the speck of hope that it's wrong, that what I'm doing is still the right choice. If I listened, there's no going back, and that continually frightens me, even more than my chosen of servitude. Fear controls every action I make. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I'm afraid of every emotion in my head, and every rivaling emotion in the minds of others. And who's to say my emotions are more important than those of any others? They're not. In the widest of spectrum's, myself and my problems are minute. Infinitesimally small. So I focus on the big picture. I help other people.

Thus returning me to the source of my problems.

Is their really any solution? Any answers? Anyway to change my position in life that suits not only myself, but those closest around me? No. The answer is a short, simple, and unanimous no. So I continue on, living the life that serves so many, yet only serves to drive me towards insanity. And I guess it is my place, since even in my best consortedt effort, there's really no way of changing me. I am who I am. And I'll just have to wait like every other nice guy.