I Dislike Myself (Nice Guys).

You ever wonder why nice guys finish last? It's because we are weak, selfless, and shy people who are constantly letting others walk all over them. we don't stand up for ourselves, because we're not looking to make ourselves happy. We put so many people before us, that we likely never even get the slight chance to express what we want. Often times our generosity consumes us to the point where we can not say no, and we are taken advantage of. It's abuse to the kind person. A mental, and physical abuse we choose to ignore. To press on because complaining just isn't our style. And yet, we are taken for granted. Too easily does the nice person become a two-bit circus act, only around to give other people their jollys. And that's what we soon become: A service. No longer human, we become an act. Something that be called upon, relied on, and incapable of opinion.

It pains me constantly to see myself let this happen. Time and time again, I often can;t hear over the deafening voice screaming inside of my head. It's telling me to stop. Stop, listening, stop obeying, and stop giving in. It wants me just to push it all over, and show people everything they don't want to see: That the service still has a voice.

Still, I ignore it. The voice pounding my head like a starved animal. I ignore it in the speck of hope that it's wrong, that what I'm doing is still the right choice. If I listened, there's no going back, and that continually frightens me, even more than my chosen of servitude. Fear controls every action I make. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. I'm afraid of every emotion in my head, and every rivaling emotion in the minds of others. And who's to say my emotions are more important than those of any others? They're not. In the widest of spectrum's, myself and my problems are minute. Infinitesimally small. So I focus on the big picture. I help other people.

Thus returning me to the source of my problems.

Is their really any solution? Any answers? Anyway to change my position in life that suits not only myself, but those closest around me? No. The answer is a short, simple, and unanimous no. So I continue on, living the life that serves so many, yet only serves to drive me towards insanity. And I guess it is my place, since even in my best consortedt effort, there's really no way of changing me. I am who I am. And I'll just have to wait like every other nice guy.