Why Do You Get All The Love In The World?

(The title of this post is more or less the 'title' of the 'poem' at the end. More than that however, it was the title of a song I was listening to before typing)



So much to report, so much to report, so much to report. First let me start by saying yesterday, was a very good day. For some time now (as if it wasn't hard to tell through a few of my previous posts) I've been, for lack of a better term, depressed. It was like I was this shinning light, there for anybody to take, but it seemed like I was more so being raped with no remorse, and no appreciation. And the more I noticed it, the more I tried pushing it away. I tried this, albiet, unseccesfully, until I finally cracked and couldn't take it any more. I don't want to be who I am. I don't like the small, weak nice guy who lets people push him around and lets people take advantage of him. So, I didn't. I FINALLY put my foot down and said enough. I was sick of being everyone's personal lapdog ready to obey at any command. I understand I'm the nice guy and people came to expect that, and although I'm still a kind being, it's the fact that all of that came as so expected.



Now, when I'm at work and such, I really see no point in telling people, "I was a push over, but now I'm not", because that would be stupid. Things like work and school, I'm just going to change. But things with people around me, they may need to know why. So, for the person I told this face to face with it was... well... lets just say a shock.

there were tears, awkward silences, and comments that really went no where (all of which, I didn't let affect me). It took us a while, but we finally left to run some errands. Pick n' Save was a fun stop. I ended up getting some energy drinks (Yuck, Monster! Oh well... I need to review them as well as get the cans. Speaking of reviews, I'm gonna touch on that later...), some sushi, and some spring rolls. Yes, I willingly got sushi. They were just there, and I had a craving. That was of course after my random craving for cake (I was just gonna buy a big cake). So we finally left, and I spent way too much money. I also say a coworkers daughter in there when we were leaving. She was with her grandparents so I really didn;t want to go up and talk to a five year old infront of people who didn't know me... I don't want my name being put on some kind of list... So we left and decided we should stop to eat.

We ended up stopping at Doctors Park [after a quick stop by The Witches House]. This isn't the first time we've gone to Doctors park together, the first time was actually a cute little surprise for me. Yes, it was a surprise. I was even ordered to close my eyes. Anyways, we walked down to the beach and ate. we also scared some teenagers off. There were two teenagers on a blanket... And as soon as they saw people... they shit right up... then moved their blanket away... LOL!

So we ate and talked, talked and ate, then got up and started strolling the beach... I was shown some select spots, before we finally had to turn around and head back. She dropped me off at home where I actually, get this, got some reading done! Yeah... I know...

A few hours later she came back to pick me up (Yeah, we had an odd shedule going...). I went back to her house to offer some computer help (My laptop pwns the shit out of her Frankencomputer!). And much like the last time, I ended up staying till like 2 in the morning before finally getting a ride home.

I would like to think of myself as a man with honor, so I will respectfully glaze over this piece in the puzzle. My head was in the clouds, and all I know is I'm going to miss her.

The next morning was the best I'd ever had.

Work was gay. That's all you're gonna get because it pissed me off... A lot.

Then we all went to Kiwi's for Sci-Fi movie night (Fuck you Siffy!!! You betrayed your fanbase!). We missed the movie we really wanted to see, and they didn't re-air it, so we just had some crappy movies on as background noise [and hot chicks in bikinis]. we had a lot of good food too... Yum! Boss subs, chicken nuggets, some stir-fry, and Gardettos (fuck the spelling mistake... I'm lazy). I also tried Amps new sugar free. Wow. I must say I was impressed, and not just because it was sugar-free, but because it was genuinly good! It was fruity and boubly. I really liked it. No one could really place what it tasted like, but it tasted good.

That reminds me: reviews. My blog has really lacked that side of things. I don't think I've given a review of movies, music, energy drinks or whatever stupid shit I'd like to give my two cents on... So, I promise to strengthen my scathing reviews. Sorry!

Poem:

"As I relinquish my hope, the last piece of me dissapears behind a cloud of wretched screams.

Knuckles bruised, ribs cracked, and the metallic taste in my mouth won't go away. My head is miles away from my shoulders, my eyes are unable to focus. I am beside myself watching it fall. The cuts mean nothing. The pain isn't even there. I've become everything I've ever hated.

And I love it."