Is Anyone Really Listening?

(I just found out that by hitting enter in the title box, your post will be posted...)

Anyways, today has been... not what I had expected. I mean, I woke up around 9 and got up about 9:30. I watched "The Pick of Destiny" ($2 black Friday dvd) and started really working on my chair project for archy. When that was done I went downstairs and ate something (thanksgiving leftovers mostly). And before I knew it... it was 12:30, which was about the time I remembered I had to return all of my cds to the library... So I quick hoped on the 12, got off at Bradley, cursed the inadequate human race for not even attempting to shovel the damn sidewalk, and got to the library. I dropped my stuff off and picked up some more cds. I saw Steph there and had no idea that she would be working (out of all the times I've headed to the library on Mon. mornings, this was the first time I'd ever seen her). I walked back to Teautonia (someone please give me the real spelling for that...) and caught the bus back. It was about 1:30 when I got back, and somewhere around 2, I wondered just what the fuck I had accomplished in that time... I was really not looking to classes today. I've got more important shit to do than go to class just to sit down and mock it, but oh no... my grade would implode if, God forbid, I didn't show up to the class I'm paying WAY too much for... So I left and actually caught a bus before 3. I got to class, chilled out outside for a few minutes, than went inside. Class was gay, and very boring (go figure) and here is about when I ran into my wall... It had nothing to do with the class, my anger spawned from Facebook, and it just threw me into a place I don't want to be right now. I mean, I've been having a lot of problems just trying to get by lately and every time things are lloking up for me... that I'm okay, something gets fucked up, and everything for me has to change. And really... I'm sick of it. I've been so bipolar lately that I have almost no control over my emotions, they change at such an alarming rate, that i don't know what to do with them anymore! I constantly just feel the urge to break... to give up... to finally just colapse... But then I start to wonder: If I fell right now, would there be anyone to catch me? Would anyone be willing enought to set their life aside momentarily to help me? Or would they be too busy for any one elses problems? Am I even worth their time? Because I know that as soon as someone offers me their hand, it will be the time that I want to be alone, and as soon as their gone, I'm stung by the lonliness. I can't seem to win any more. It's like I'm constantly fighting a loosing battle. I have my momentary victories, but just as I get to celebrating, comes the loss. I've been in the union now since about 5 (I forget my supper today, so I probably won't anything again today), and all I've done was read a boring short story, type a response, and write this. During all of this time, i keep playing "I Don't Care" over, and over, and over again, because it just shows me what I've been trying to do for so long. Tell myself that I don't care enough times until I start to believe it myself.

It's times like these I could just kill away my feelings. To die for that comfortable numb. When the only thing you want is tranquility and a peace of mind.

Mybe they're all right... Maybe this can all be summed up by a loud "EMO!" shouted at me. Who knows, maybe I am. Maybe I have no right to sit and argue about how sad I am, and how, my mental health is diminishing... I mean, fuck... That's all just another example... I can't win. No matter what I loose. This is all just really fucked up for me right now, and now is the time when everyone seems to be at their highest bitch level. So, I'll finish with a quote that form fits my situation, but doesn't help me in any way, shape, or form: "When it rains, it pours"