The Next Chapter

Hang there readers, what's up? How ya' doin'? Oh, I'm sorry to hear... It's weird, but that's how things are right now. It's like, half of the people I know... miserable and depressed. And the other half... Estatic and bursting with life... It's really annoying, because those of you who are exceedingly happy, are making our side worse... But okay, let's stop being moppy, and explain shit like a decent blog (HA! My blog, a decent blog... HA!)

Ugh. Well... It's like this. Sunday I wanted to go to a concert. Cage the Elephant AND The Airborne Toxic Event were playing. Now, I'm not too huge a fan of either band, but seeing as how they're both up-and-coming bands, and playing together for one show... So I was pretty excited about it. HOWEVER I couldn't find a sub. I've been looking for subs for damn near a month now, but this ONE day... not a damn person wanted. I did have a sub set for it, but he pulled out before the cottage trip. And then another person said she'd take it, but didn't want to work till close...

So I finally just sucked it up and decided to come in... I've missed concerts before, and it sucks, but I get over it and life moves on... But this one was different... See, I worked my shift, and as expected, it was very, very dull. And then I got home ate, milled around the house, then hoped online. Of course, I checked my Facebook, and just left it on to potentially chat with peoples. And come about 1 in the morning, I know all those guys who actually got to go were coming home. So, they of course jumped on Facebook for a few seconds... and the feelings were unanomous: "It was the best thing they'd ever experienced in their lives ever"... fuck. And then they went on to tell me that not only did they get to meet the bands, but they alos got shit signed by them!... FUCK!!! And most of the people that went knew very little, if any about the bands... FUUUCK!!! So, after I read all of that, I had to get angry about missing the show all over again... It is BULLSHIT that the one show I finally sucumb to missing, everyone praises as god-like... Maybe, I'm just being childish, but that pissed me off... and it still does now!

So, that doesn't make me all to happy. But there's more... You see, most people I know (now I say most, because the rest don't talk about their feelings anyways, so they don't count) feel comforted by me in some way, and are willing to open up with me about all of their feelings etc. etc.. Now, I feel a few different ways about this. 1. I'm honored that people feel safe enough to tell me anything, and find my answers and solutions pleasing. 2. However, listeneing to everyone elses problems occasionally sends me bleak images of hope in the world around me. And finally 3. People expect too much out of me because of this. They see me as the nice guy who will drop everything for a friend at a moments notice, and when I don't, or when I can't... OH MY GOD, HE'S A FUCKING MONSTER! I HATE HIM! I WISH I NEVER KNEW HIM! HE'S A PIECE OF SHIT, EVEN THOUGH I'D NEVER REACT THIS WAY TO ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING... BUT FUCK HIM!!! And, I'm sorry, but it kinda blows that I can't even slightly break character without getting the third degree from people... So, anyways, I've been talking with select peoples about their... positions in life right now, and it's some of those problems where I'm next to powerless in it. I mean, sure I can listen, and be there as support and voice my opinions and such, but when it comes to getting results... I hold no stock in that. I can't jump into other peoples lives like that...

And of course, I have my own crap happening inside my own life, where, I likely shouldn't feel as bad as I do... but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad... ya' know? What I really want to do is have a little power. A little choice in the matter. Not really, a vacation per se, but just some time to myself, where I can make all of the decisions and do what I want to do. Go down the list and actually check things off. Get some stuff done. Or maybe I'm just going crazy...