Let's Start Here-

So, the point of my is to, in essence, to write... right? That means I can write, whatever. If I wanna give a critique on a cd, or a movie, I will. Or if I wanna just stroll through the monotony of everyday life and explain how I'm feeling, I will. However from time to time I do stray away from certain topics wondering 'is it in my best interest to plaster this on the internets where anyone can read it?'. And yeah, that doesn't make much sense considering no one reads this anyways, but for the few who do... I can't write certain things... but what if something like that was a BIG turn of events... Wouldn't I have to write it?

Okay, all build up aside, I haven't got too many topics to press on except for one... Now, I am what most would label as 'the nice guy'. Sure I'm a dick, but that's beside the point! I have no problem straying away from most male stereotypes, and present myself in a way that I feel is honest and true to myself. I'm also, as you can tell by reading my blog, an emotional man. Well, bipolar seems to sum it up better, but nevertheless emotional. I've often referred to myself as 'too emotional to justify my having a penis', which is amusing, and in some respects true, but I believe that most of my emotions truly stem from my interests in psychology and the human mind... But whatever, that's a different story. SO, I'm the kind of guy who likes to be in a relationship. I enjoy having a special person that I can feel comfortable holding and having around to get a kiss from etc. etc., and although I do love the more...physical stuff, I'm not one of those douches who sees it as 'fuck me or we're through'. And yet... I always get stuck in these positions. I look for a normal, stable, happy and healthy relationship, and I get some sort of half-assed friends-with-benefits... Yeah, it's crazy. Is there just something about me that makes me not able to hold down any sort of NORMAL relationship? Now, I'm probably the only guy who questions things like this, whereas most would just go along with and get some free physical contact, but as much as I like it (and believe me... I do), it's like a waste of my life... It's like working towards... nothing. There's nothing there, and yet I still can't say no...

It's weird... I mean, I'm such a loser, why is this the only facet of a relationship people want to hold on to me for? I guess I am happy because I felt quite lonely, but how happy can I really be when this situation just disappears leaving me high and dry again...

I'm glad I write my life down... A few years from now I'm gonna make millions on my memoir... (except everybody is gonna get sick of all these damn periods... I do that a lot...)