The Next Chapter

Hang there readers, what's up? How ya' doin'? Oh, I'm sorry to hear... It's weird, but that's how things are right now. It's like, half of the people I know... miserable and depressed. And the other half... Estatic and bursting with life... It's really annoying, because those of you who are exceedingly happy, are making our side worse... But okay, let's stop being moppy, and explain shit like a decent blog (HA! My blog, a decent blog... HA!)

Ugh. Well... It's like this. Sunday I wanted to go to a concert. Cage the Elephant AND The Airborne Toxic Event were playing. Now, I'm not too huge a fan of either band, but seeing as how they're both up-and-coming bands, and playing together for one show... So I was pretty excited about it. HOWEVER I couldn't find a sub. I've been looking for subs for damn near a month now, but this ONE day... not a damn person wanted. I did have a sub set for it, but he pulled out before the cottage trip. And then another person said she'd take it, but didn't want to work till close...

So I finally just sucked it up and decided to come in... I've missed concerts before, and it sucks, but I get over it and life moves on... But this one was different... See, I worked my shift, and as expected, it was very, very dull. And then I got home ate, milled around the house, then hoped online. Of course, I checked my Facebook, and just left it on to potentially chat with peoples. And come about 1 in the morning, I know all those guys who actually got to go were coming home. So, they of course jumped on Facebook for a few seconds... and the feelings were unanomous: "It was the best thing they'd ever experienced in their lives ever"... fuck. And then they went on to tell me that not only did they get to meet the bands, but they alos got shit signed by them!... FUCK!!! And most of the people that went knew very little, if any about the bands... FUUUCK!!! So, after I read all of that, I had to get angry about missing the show all over again... It is BULLSHIT that the one show I finally sucumb to missing, everyone praises as god-like... Maybe, I'm just being childish, but that pissed me off... and it still does now!

So, that doesn't make me all to happy. But there's more... You see, most people I know (now I say most, because the rest don't talk about their feelings anyways, so they don't count) feel comforted by me in some way, and are willing to open up with me about all of their feelings etc. etc.. Now, I feel a few different ways about this. 1. I'm honored that people feel safe enough to tell me anything, and find my answers and solutions pleasing. 2. However, listeneing to everyone elses problems occasionally sends me bleak images of hope in the world around me. And finally 3. People expect too much out of me because of this. They see me as the nice guy who will drop everything for a friend at a moments notice, and when I don't, or when I can't... OH MY GOD, HE'S A FUCKING MONSTER! I HATE HIM! I WISH I NEVER KNEW HIM! HE'S A PIECE OF SHIT, EVEN THOUGH I'D NEVER REACT THIS WAY TO ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING... BUT FUCK HIM!!! And, I'm sorry, but it kinda blows that I can't even slightly break character without getting the third degree from people... So, anyways, I've been talking with select peoples about their... positions in life right now, and it's some of those problems where I'm next to powerless in it. I mean, sure I can listen, and be there as support and voice my opinions and such, but when it comes to getting results... I hold no stock in that. I can't jump into other peoples lives like that...

And of course, I have my own crap happening inside my own life, where, I likely shouldn't feel as bad as I do... but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad... ya' know? What I really want to do is have a little power. A little choice in the matter. Not really, a vacation per se, but just some time to myself, where I can make all of the decisions and do what I want to do. Go down the list and actually check things off. Get some stuff done. Or maybe I'm just going crazy...

People Take Swimming WAY Too Serious

Yeah, my title explains most of my weekend... but that's for later. First... Hmmm... I'm pretty sure I've missed a few good days for blogging, but, to be quite honest... I haven't really felt like it. But, now here I am, and I'll pick out a few key points from the past few days. Okay, well, one thing you may have noticed as of late is that I've taken down the walmart shopper (lol) and replaced it with Google adsense. Why? Because Walmart doesn't care about us blogging shmos, but Google is willing to pay us... so I added Google adsense in the hopes that it would make me at least a little moneys for blogging all the damn time. Now, does that make me a sell out??? I don't think so. You wanna know why? 1. Because I am setting aside none of my beliefs or morals. I am simply trying to turn a minute profit for something I enjoy doing (which sorta contradicts the part where I said I didn't wanna blog). and 2. ... No one reads my blog... I'm likely never to make ANY money from it... and how can you sell out with nothing being sold??? K.

This probably goes without being said, but school has been a major pain in my asshole. I mean... it hurts...

I also finally got myself a YouTube account. I hadn't wanted to create one until I had some videos to actually post (I didn't want to be like all these damn people who make accounts with horribly gay names and 1 crappy Naruto music video...

Things got really flubbed up with plans this weekend. Mainly because Kiwi went on a camping trip. God... What a prick! He's so selfish!!! (Kiwi... yes, offense). We ended up spending Fri. night parked outside my house trying hard as Hell not to look supsicious (easier said than done in BD). Also, we were suppossed to go to Jakes (and believe me, I did want to... I think I've actually only been there once... maybe twice), but it got too late to catch a bus and Steve was at K-Gadz house. Well, in hindsight, I did stay up till like 2 anyways (hadn't planned on it, but I'll explain that in a bit). I did however almost fall asleep at 7... yeah... So, instead I cracke dout the laptop and started putzing around with a few files (music/movies mainly). Then... I got bored, and opened up my connection center (note, I have yet to speak with my mom about a high speed lollernet service)... There were a bunch of networks that were around me, most of which needed passwords to access... but... some didn't... So, I clicked on one, and actually got connected to the internet... SWEET! So I was playing on the internet laughing and laughing. I ended up downloading Saul Williams discography (if you don't know him, look him up! None of his cds were at the library though... sad face. I'm also gonna try to go see him at the union on the 25th), and William Shatners cd. That's right, William Shatner recorded a cd... Danny Craine! Anywho... That's why I stayed up till 2... I had the lollernet [sort of] on my laptop.

And now here I am... still at work. I've been here for a little over 7 hours now, and I'm going out of my mind... We had a swim meet today (as we have for the whole weekend), a big fucking swim meet. I mean... people were parking at Pick N. Save big (for anyone who may not know... that's crazy). So, naturally it was much more chaotic here, but none of that really affected me all too much. My desk has been moved on the complete other side of the building. However, to add to all of that, all the loonies decided to join us here tonight. I mean people have been nuts. One guy wanted us to call the police because he thought two people had fake handicap license plates, kids were running about, everyone seems to have lost everything and blames us for their dissaperance, and Mrs. Pipins was just being herself. Let me explain. Mr. Pipins a.k.a. Tom Pipins, is a local sports news caster. He works for fox 6 so he's automatically less of a person, but nonetheless, pretty nice guy. His kids are nice and entertaining to talk to (and fun to convince I have a twin). His wife however, Mrs. Pipins... is fucking crazy! I feel like a dick saying it, but she was chasing her son in her swim suit screaming at him. She was screaming on her phone, and had a few crying fits... just tonight!!! It's to the point where I fear for those childrean... And apperently Mr. & Mrs. are getting a divorce, so now she's all extra crazy... My God, today has just been really weird... It's like everything has just shifted over a few feet and thrown everything off. To sum it up, allow me to steal a line from sXePhil: "Bitches be crazy".

And now I am all kinds of excited to get the Hell out of here and go home!

How To Portray The Words That Won't Come...

I don't know... I really don't. [maybe I'm just crazy] Do you know when you get the feeling? You know, that feeling where it's just... you... there... nothing else. It's just a culmination of so much. Everything. You're angry, you're happy, you're sad, you're nervous... you're human. You're you.It's like I'm sleeping with my eyes open. Everything is just tranquil and peaceful. Maybe I'm just coming off as weird, but It's incredibly hard to explain. I don't know what brought this out in me. Nothing has/is all that different around me. I've got one more class left in the day, and i just ate. Now I'm typing this and listening to music. In a way, I think it has something to do with the music. It's lulling me and sweeping me away. Or maybe I shouldn't question it. The happy man doesn't have to understand (or even know) the formula. Just that it works... I don't know... It's cool. And I thought you might want to know before it goes away...

Anyways. My morning was strange. I woke up once when my mom left. And for the short few seconds I was awake, I remember asking Andrew when he had class. He said early. Okay. I fell back asleep and woke up again at 7, and asked him again. He said he had class at 8, and after he and I argued on some fundamental math, he was up and on his way. I went back to sleep. I woke up again at 9. I was happy with this, I'd have plenty of down time before I had to get to my first class (12:30). So, I was okay with getting up now, but I laid my head down. I didn't pick it up again till 9:45... wow that went fast... So I finally got up and started moving. I made myself a grilled cheese and put on some music. I then went online and got the lyrics to "Mr. Self Destruct" for an art piece I'm working on right now. I was happy I finally I got that out of the way. Then I looked up a knitting pattern (that's right, I'm gonna give a stab and knitting myself a hat... don't laugh, it'll be ballin' when I'm done... bastards). As I was listening to music, I must have played "My Best Friend" by Weezer like 5 times. It's a great, short, song that reminds me so much of not one, but all of my closest friends. It really fits well with us (in a non-homo way... not that there's anything wrong with that). Then I made myself a itty-bitty quesadilla (that turned out kinda messy...). And then I got all of my stuff and left. I walked to the bus stop around 11:35, and got there about 11:39... Only to check my schedula and found out that the last bus came at 11:33... And of course, the next one wouldn't be until 12. So I walked to Wendy's and got a Jr. Bacon. The sandwhich was very tastey, but it did take a long time to get... they was bein' slow today... So I got back to the bus stop and waited. The bus was about 5 min. late. I ended up getting to class 10 min. late, which wasn't too bad (I hate that class!!!). So, after that, I finished my physics homework, and then read until Wiki-Nation. Honestly, I've lost almost all of my enthusiasm for that class... It just wasn't built as well as it should be, and myself being an archy major, I know what happens when stuffs not built right (It falls down dumbshit). And yeah... after I left, I cam here ( a bit early today, prof. had to go to a funeral). I ate, and yeah... you're about caught up. in about an hour, I'll go to art, then home again. Tomorrow's an early day, which sucks, but I'll get home early and finally get to lay down. Until next time...